Destroy All Humans
Cryptosporidium is not just a waterborne bacteria that famously assaulted western Ireland a few years back, it’s also a little grey fella in Destroy All Humans, a game where you, uh, destroy all humans.
Hey, it delivers what it promises.
An immensely enjoyable sandbox game, the sequel expanded in all the right places, and is still one of my all-time favourite games. It’s a globetrotting adventure of pure delight, and Giles from Buffy runs the British secret service. It can’t just be me who loved that.
Oh, it was? Dang. It’s OK Anthony Stewart Head, I still love you.
We got some remasters of the first two recently, from my previously mentioned Company of the Year THQ Nordic. I’d love to see this series go back to its roots, and we will not speak of Path of the Furon ever again.
Champions of Norrath
A personal love of mine, and my first introduction to this kind of hack and slash RPG, Champions basically did Baldur’s Gate in the EverQuest universe, and that was freakin’ awesome. I have wonderful memories of playing this late into the night on my own, or with friends in the multiplayer. It was fun, simple, high-fantasy trash, and the closest I’ve come to loving something like this in recent years has been, interestingly enough, Kingdoms of Amalur.
There’s room for another one of these, especially if it sneaks in before the next Dragon Age or Elder Scrolls. Much of the team behind it ended up at Monolith, and if they could be persuaded away from Middle-Earth back to Norrath, that’d be just swell.
Bully
Ok hear me out, Bully got some bad press when it came out, and has aged very poorly. However, that kid only bullied the bullies, and was really a role model. Today’s kids need someone like that.
Eventually people will realise they’ve been playing GTA V for like 15 years or something, and they’ll want something new. Think about it, Rockstar; Bully Online. Think of all the microtransactions…
Except don’t. Just make a sequel. G’wan.
Half Life
Hahahahahahaha yeah nah this ain’t happening. Moving on.
Battletoads
The poor man’s Ninja Turtles, you say? Mate, I will fight you. Battletoads was a game that made no sense and didn’t have to. Ya got toads. They battle. That’s some great stuff, even if some levels thought you had some kind of cyber-cat reflexes.
I’m pretty sure this is already happening, but I still want this one a lot. Partially for nostalgia’s sake, but mostly to see a dev scramble to have it make some kind of narrative sense. I dare you, gaming industry. I dare you.
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And that’s it, really. There’ll be a ton more, but these are my top picks; gime half of these and I’ll be one happy spawn-camper.
Know any others? Did you really hate that terrible spawn-campers line? Let me know!
1 Comment
Im pretty sure they half assed announced a Timesplitters remake but unsure when
Also you missed the Legacy of Kain series