Look friends, I’m not a complicated man, and I know exactly what I want from a game with DOOM in the title. One man. An unspecified number of increasingly ridiculous guns. An overwhelming flood of unholy demons that need to be blasted into tasty little giblets at frankly unhealthy velocities. That’s it. That’s all you have to do.
Admittedly, that is what Doom: The Dark Ages delivers, but it comes packaged with an unfortunate quantity of… other stuff. There’s a lot going on with the story, world-building, and needlessly complex combat systems. And that would be fine, except I didn’t ask for a far-flung space opera about noble bloodlines, mythic destinies, and heavily queer-coded demons. I wanted one extremely angry dude with a giant shooty gun and an all-consuming grudge against everything that smells of sulphur and brimstone.
Again, I only kind of got that.
It’s DOOM Jim, but not as we know it
To be absolutely clear: Doom: The Dark Ages is a lot of fun. The movement, the action, and the weapons are all technically on point. But it’s not, ya know, Doom. At least not in the way it used to be. And fine, yes, I’m 36 years old no and reticent to any form of change, but to really enjoy this game, you need to come to terms with the new ways. You’ve got to let go of what Doom was, and embrace what it’s become: a heavy metal power fantasy, but at a Renaissance fair instead of a Comic-Con.
The occasional janky Gundam interlude only serves to highlight how far Doom has drifted from the beautifully simple chaos of its origins. That giant mech in Doom Eternal? It was fun. Cute, even. But here, it’s lost the shreds of charm it had. It’s slow, clunky, and feels like that old classic of games gone by: the escort mission. It’s time I feel would’ve been better spent chaingunning Incubi into a fine pink mist.
To be fair, that is how I feel about MOST time. But I digress.
Luckily, though not without difficulty, I could make my peace with that. And once I did I had a pretty great time. Despite my feelings on this not being a good Doom game, it’s still a very good game in its own right, and honestly it’s too well-made not to enjoy. I can grumble and groan, sure, but when I’m mid-fight and everything’s clicking, it’s hard not to get swept up in it.
Rip and tear
Combat is still as satisfying and kinetic as ever. The flow from shooting to abilities to special finishers is smooooooth, and the game deserves props for how fluid it all feels in the moment. When you’re in that zone, bouncing between enemies, parrying, blasting, launching a shield into a demon’s eye socket, it’s pure braindead action bliss.
Weapon variety is strong, if a bit too tailored. The game leans heavily into elemental resistances and enemy weaknesses, which makes it feel more tactical than previous entries, but can sometimes get in the way of just picking the gun that makes the biggest boom. It kinda felt like Pokemon, switching things up based on the enemy’s type. Again, not necessarily bad, but it might irritate purists (like me) who just want to rip and tear until it is done.
And hey, let’s talk about that shield. You remember the chainsaw, right? Iconic. Brutal. Toothy. Well, it’s back, but this time as a physics-defying Captain America death-frisbee. You hurl it, it smashes through skulls, and it comes flying back. It’s very silly. But it’s also delightful. Not for the demons though.
Difficulty-wise, Doom: The Dark Ages lets you control the buttons you push. You can tweak the settings on the fly, and I really appreciated being able to fine-tune my experience. For instance, the parry window on the default hard mode was way too generous, and I was basically invincible with even halfway good timing. Elden Ring may have ruined me, since I now apparently hate forgiving reflexes. Oh well; one quick adjustment later, and suddenly the parry system had real stakes. I was less consistent, but far more satisfied when I managed to pull it off. This is the kind of customisation more games should offer, and made a tangible difference to how personal my gameplay experience felt.
Secrets and lies
Exploration is a staple of the Doom franchise, and while there’s still plenty of secrets and hidden goodies, it’s not quite what it used to be. There’s something inherently satisfying about smacking a random wall and discovering a hidden room full of ammo and lore. It gives a titillating little thrill of discovery, like you’re in on ‘it’. Unfortunately, The Dark Ages telegraphs its secrets a bit too obviously. Big glowing cracks in the wall, flashing icons, massive switches just begging to be pressed. Again, call me old-fashioned, but secrets should require deep frustration and Googling someone else’s guide. That’s just how I was raised.
Now, I’m not going to dwell on the music. Let’s just say this: corporations, copyright disputes, and capitalism at large have once again done what they do best. Infer from that what you will. The game has music. Let’s move on.
On a technical level, I’ve got no complaints. I played on Xbox Series S, and had a fine time. Load times were snappy, performance was solid. A rarity these days.
Yeah, it’s good
So, bottom line: Doom: The Dark Ages is a technically excellent, highly enjoyable first-person shooter that wears the skin of a Doom game but has the heart of something more modern and generic. If you dropped the first word from the title and just called it The Dark Ages, I’d be sold, hook, line, and unnecessarily complicated finisher. But as it stands… it’s just not Doom. And that’s fine. It doesn’t have to be. Let’s not pretend it is. Except it’s called Doom. There is a war in my heart, dear reader.
If you ever wanted to biff a shield at demons Captain America-style, while also doing it in space with flaming skulls and exploding churches in the background, you’re in for an absolute romp. If you wanted to play Doom… Well, 2016’s version isn’t going anywhere.
DOOM Lite, but still a hell of a good time
